Who Took My Pen?

I don't know who you are.  I don't know why you took my pen.  What I do know is that I have a certain set of skills.  Skills I have crafted with that very pen over many ink refills.  Skills that can create a nightmare full of your worst fears that will play on repeat like a child's creepy toy with low battery power.  If you return my pen now, that will be the end of it.  I will not name a character after you.  I will not plot your death in my next novel. But if you don't return my pen, I will profile you.  I will find you.  And I will shame you with said pen in my book, naming you in the Forward as the pen thief you are. 

No really....who took my pen?!  I have a 'Dr. Grip' medium point black gel pen that writes like heaven and feels effortless on paper.  I use this pen at my day job, often stopping my car and returning to the office to get it so I can use it on an interview.  I tried to replace it with a new 'Dr. Grip' pen, but the 'grip' just isn't the same.  So whomever is groping the 'grip' of my pen, I hope you're a lefty and you get ink stains on your hands every time you write! 

"Love, Mulligan"